Two Is a Lonely Number Read online

  Waves of pleasure built with every movement, every thrust.

  They shuddered together before he rolled to the side, pulling her with him.

  “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

  Ben didn’t open his eyes to ask the question. His hand rubbed her back as she snuggled into his shoulder.

  “Not even close.”

  He kissed the top of her head.

  “That was…”

  “Yeah,” she agreed.

  They remained silent for several moments, with Ben stroking her hip and her hand resting on his tight abs. She played with the muscles, amused at how they tightened under the light grazing of her fingertips.

  Insecurity plagued her. She hadn’t felt insecure, well, ever in her adult life. But being fat and pregnant and uber hormonal took its toll on her, and she couldn’t hold back her next question.

  “Did I gross you out?”

  “Did you what?”

  She sort of enjoyed the outrage in his tone.

  “Can’t you tell how damned into you I am?”

  He lifted her by the hips, placing her on his already-stone-hard erection.

  She moaned at the intensity of the impaling.

  “But I’m so—”

  “Beautiful. Sexy as hell. Jesus, Karly. I have wanted you for as long as I can remember.”

  He tweaked her nipples as she threw her head back and enjoyed the ride.

  When she fell onto him, exhausted and sore, he hugged her tightly to him. His heart pounded in her ear.

  “Want to ask me that question again?”

  She pinched his side, and then the baby joined in on the attack, kicking Karly’s belly. Hard.

  Karly lifted her head and stared at Ben. His eyes had widened, panic whitening his face.

  “What was that?”

  She tried not to laugh—when she had first felt the gentle fluttering of the baby’s movements, she had had the same reaction. This was the first time he had been able to feel the baby’s kick. Of course he’d be freaked out.

  He jolted into a sitting position, wrapping his hands around Karly’s belly.

  “That, my dear, was your baby.”

  She watched him stare at her belly. Did he know his mouth had dropped open?

  His long lashes fluttered wildly. His fingers spread across her belly, cradling their baby in the safety of his strong hands.

  Tears gathered in her eyes at the delicate sight. She hadn’t imagined experiencing it like this with him.

  “Did we hurt him?”

  “No. I think he or she is fine.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I don’t.” She chuckled. “But the doctor promised it was fine, and the baby books say sex is fine as long as it’s comfortable.”

  “We got a little rough at the end there.”

  “Not rough enough to hurt the baby. Stop worrying.” She sunk her hands into his hair, caressing his scalp while he continued to study her belly. “The baby is well protected in all that amniotic fluid.”

  “I need to read those books.”

  “You can borrow mine.” Karly smiled.

  Sure, they’d never make an actual relationship work, but maybe they could be friends. Partners in raising the child.

  At least for as long as he could stay interested.

  “Did you feel that?” His voice held the same excited tone she had heard from kids in town. “He kicked me! My hand!”

  “Yes, I felt it.”

  “Karly…”

  She didn’t answer.

  “Karly, I never thought I’d have a family.”

  She tensed.

  She didn’t want to do the mushy conversation thing. She didn’t want to embrace false, hormone-induced emotions. She didn’t want to pretend this was something more than it was.

  “I’m starving.” She pulled away and searched for her clothes.

  He didn’t say anything about her withdrawal, but he started fishing around the bed, helping her look for her lost panties.

  “What the heck is this?”

  Karly froze. He must have found her collection.

  She took a deep breath before turning around to face him. Sure enough, he held one of her knives in his hand. The holster looked small in his grasp, but she knew the blade was sharp enough to kill.

  “You sleep with a knife?”

  “Old habits die hard.” She grabbed the knife from him, tucking it back in its special spot under her pillow.

  “You’re going to have to educate me about this particular habit.”

  He crossed his arms over his bare chest, making his muscles bulge out and her mouth water.

  “I’m a single woman. I live alone. Of course I sleep with a weapon.”

  “I’ve been with plenty of single women who live alone and don’t sleep with weapons. You’re going to have to do better than that.”

  “Go ahead and bring up your other women. But maybe you could wait until I’m clothed.”

  “Don’t skirt the issue, Karly. That’s not what this is about.”

  Her lips tightened.

  She found a clean pair of panties in the pile of laundry they had managed to push off the bed. She sat to put them on since her balance had been off recently.

  Ben sat beside her, stroking her hair away from her face. She didn’t like the concern in his eyes.

  “Why a knife, Karly? Do you feel unsafe?”

  “I feel fine, Ben. My god. It’s not a big deal.”

  “Maybe not. But why do you feel the need?”

  “My mom was a nurse and worked crazy hours. I was alone a lot as a kid.”

  He remained silent.

  “When she came home, she didn’t usually come home alone. And sometimes her lovers got ‘lost’ on their way back to her room. I learned early on that it was crucial to my wellbeing to have a means of protection. Okay?”

  “No. Not okay.”

  He leapt from the bed, his hands tightened into fists.

  “Did any of them ever hurt you?”

  She studied her hands.

  “No. Scared me, yes. But I was a fighter. Ben, it was a lifetime ago. It’s fine.”

  “It’s not fine. The world should be safe for little girls. No one should have to learn to sleep with a knife.”

  He stormed around the room, looking like he wanted to punch something.

  She caught up with him and snuggled against his back, wrapping her arms around his waist.

  “No more holes in my walls, okay?”

  He opened her arms so he could twist around. He pulled her to him, resting his chin on the top of her head.

  “I don’t want our baby to grow up like that.”

  She stiffened. Did he actually think she’d allow that?

  “That’s something you don’t have to worry about.” She tried to pull away from his embrace, but he tightened his hold on her.

  “I wasn’t accusing you of anything, Karly.”

  His arms flexed against her. He was bothered.

  “We need to raise this baby together. We have to get married.”

  She pulled until he finally released her.

  Not caring that she was only wearing a t-shirt and panties, she waddled her way out of the bedroom.

  He followed.

  “Why are you so against marrying me?”

  “I’m not having this conversation again.”

  “I think we are.”

  She whipped around.

  “Do you love me, Ben?”

  He flinched.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She slammed the refrigerator door open and retrieved a carrot. She needed something crunchy to work out the anger he stoked.

  “We get along great. I’ve been here for you every day. I’ve missed important meetings so I could rub your feet. We have great sex. What else matters?”

  The poor guy. He looked genuinely confused.

  She bit into the carrot with a satisfying crunch and roamed into the living room.

  “Ans
wer me, Karly. What more do you need? We’re having a baby together, for Christ’s sake.”

  “Yes, we’re having a baby together. Not because we were wildly in love, or because we were compatible. We’re having a baby because we were two drunk, irresponsible people having a good time, not considering the consequences. You think that qualifies us as marriage material? Didn’t think so.” She waved the carrot around like a magic wand. “And I never asked you to come rub my feet every night.”

  “You didn’t push me out the door.”

  “You’re an ass.”

  “I want to do all of those things, Karly. With you. For you. I want to raise this baby together. In one house.”

  “Not. Going. To. Happen.”

  “You owe me an explanation.” His expression turned dark. Mean. More like what she expected from a guy. “Was growing up without a father so incredible for you? You want to curse our child to the same fate?”

  “You don’t love me, Ben! Love is the only thing that could possibly make someone stick around long enough to matter. So yeah, if you’re going to walk out, I’d rather you walk out now.”

  “Why are you so convinced that I’m going to bail on you?”

  He grabbed her shoulder and forced her chin up with his other hand.

  “Talk to me, Karly.”

  “Look, I had a father figure once. He was the only one who stuck around long enough for me to form an attachment. He was calm when my mother was rageful, kind when she was mean. He made sure I had meals every day. He even got her to sober up for a bit. But when my mother fell off the wagon and cheated on him, he left for good. He didn’t love me enough to stay.”

  “He lacked honor, Karly. Not love.”

  “I’m done discussing this with you. Go ahead and pack your things up in your little foster care trash bag and leave us alone!”

  “What’s the deal, Karly? It’s not like you’ll be able to find a better prospect once you’re a single mother.”

  His knife landed deep between her shoulder blades. She turned around slowly, carefully, biting her tongue to keep her from saying the hateful things she wanted to say.

  “Get out,” she said quietly. If he knew her at all, he’d know that the quieter she became, the more deadly.

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “Get. Out.” She stepped toward him, holding the carrot like a weapon.

  He shook his head and grabbed his keys.

  “This is a ridiculous way for the night to end.” He slammed the door behind him.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ben drove around the back roads of town all night long, trying to figure out where the hell he kept going wrong.

  His intentions were good, right?

  The baby should have both parents. He liked Karly. A lot. More than he thought he could like a woman. She seemed to like him. When she didn’t want to kill him, at least. But wasn’t that a normal relationship?

  She seemed hung up on this “love” thing.

  He could easily lie to her. Tell her he loved her. Promise to love her forever.

  But he’d never be able to live with himself while telling those lies. He didn’t believe in love. It was one of those mythological stories people passed around to make themselves feel better.

  That didn’t mean he couldn’t respect her. Take care of her. Be there for her.

  Why did she insist on him saying he loved her?

  He was quite certain she didn’t love him. She hadn’t said it even once. Not even in the midst of an orgasm, which is when most women professed it to him.

  More proof that it didn’t exist.

  How many women had he known for a few hours before they were screaming their love for him?

  Mothers were supposed to “love” their children, yet his had abandoned him. Karly’s had put her in danger. Foster parents were supposed to be guided by “love” when they agreed to take kids in when their own “loving” parents turned out to be not-so-loving. If “love” was what he was shown as a kid, he wanted no part of it for himself or his child.

  No. He would protect, honor, care for his child. And Karly, if she’d let him.

  Apparently he had to up the romance ante.

  This was a challenge he could win.

  He raced downtown to pick up some flowery greeting cards as soon as the store opened for the day.

  “Well it’s about time you start romancing the girl, Ben Knight.” Miss Molly, never one to hold back her opinion, smiled as she scolded him.

  “I’m a mere man, Miss Molly. But I’m doing my best to rise above it.”

  Miss Molly’s eye twinkled and her cheeks shook as she chuckled.

  “Oh, I have no doubt you’ll help her to see that you own her heart. Go get some of that candy over there. You’re on a time limit. When is the baby due?”

  “Mid-May.”

  “Three more months.” Miss Molly’s hands shook as she started grabbing candles and body lotions from the side of the checkout counter. “Better throw in some of these things, too.”

  “If you say so, Miss Molly.”

  Miss Molly packaged up the gifts and followed Ben out the door.

  “You’re a good match, Ben Knight. Don’t let her tell you otherwise.”

  Ben lifted the tiny woman’s hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss.

  “If this doesn’t work, I’ll be back for you, Miss Molly.”

  “Oh, you.” She pretended to swat his arm with her other hand, laughing. “You run along now before you get yourself into trouble. You can’t handle this.”

  He winked and blew a kiss in her direction.

  She shook her head and smiled.

  Ben dragged his ass to Tiana’s diner for her strongest cup of coffee. He sat in a corner booth, facing away from the entrance so he’d hopefully be undisturbed. As he allowed the caffeine to do its job, he carefully read through each of the cards he had purchased. He selected the sappiest one and added his words. He didn’t bother with an apology or any talk of the future. He decided he’d send a card every day with one thing he adored about Karly.

  If this didn’t work, he’d chop off his own balls and coat them in chocolate for her.

  ***

  “Ava, you don’t understand. He sent a teddy bear today. A teddy bear!” Karly screeched into the phone.

  “That’s so sweet!” Ava gushed.

  “No. It’s not. It’s pathetic. What’s the deal?”

  “I can’t believe you, Karly. This is every woman’s dream. To be wooed like this? Amazing. What does the card say today?”

  “You don’t want to know.”

  “Yes I do. He already told you he loves your eyes when you smile. He said he loves the way your jaw juts up in the air when you’re mad. He loves the way your pulse feels against his fingers. He loves the cat-like way you move—”

  “Did you memorize every single one?”

  “You have to tell me what he said today!”

  “No.”

  “Fine. I’m coming over while you’re at work and rummaging through your stuff.”

  “I’d believe that if I thought for a second you’d ditch work.”

  Ava sighed into the phone.

  “Please tell me? If you don’t I’ll tell you all about what Cole did for me last night.”

  “Okay, okay! I’ll tell you. He said he loves how my velvety softness caresses his steel manhood.”

  “He did not!”

  Karly laughed. “Told you you didn’t want to know.”

  “Oh my goodness,” Ava fought to catch her breath. “I think he snuck into an old romance novel from the 90s.”

  “Or something,” Karly said.

  Though she was embarrassed on behalf of Ben, her velvety softness begged to caress his steel manhood.

  “Are you going to accept his proposal yet?”

  “Um, no.”

  “Come on, Karly. It’s just a date. You love the theatre. Let him take you.”

  “I’m not driving all the way to Manhattan
with him. Now if he’d like to give me the tickets and you and I could go, then maybe I’d accept.”

  “We could have a double date! How fun would that be?”

  Karly laughed. “You live life as if it’s one big romantic comedy. Okay, so you got your happily-ever-after. I don’t plan on ever having one.”

  “Karly… he cares so much for you. I can tell. And I think you’re kidding yourself when you keep telling me that you’re not into him.”

  Karly released a deep breath, biting down on the words she wanted to spew.

  “We had a one night stand. I got pregnant. Sure, he’s turning on the charm, but I know guys like him. I’m the female version of guys like him, for crying out loud. We don’t commit. Being forced into a corner because of something like a baby is suicide. Or homicide. Depends on who snaps first, I guess.”

  “But he’s being so romantic.”

  “You’re a dreamer. I’m not.”

  “At least admit that you’re glad he’s stepping up to the plate for the baby.”

  Karly sighed again. “Yeah, okay. I’m glad. He’s a great guy. I’m sure he’ll be an awesome father.”

  “And you guys will fall in love and live happily-ever-after.”

  “I think I’m going to feed you the poisoned apple myself.”

  They said their goodbyes and Karly was left alone with her thoughts.

  And some bad cramps.

  She didn’t love him. She couldn’t love him. And he most certainly couldn’t love her.

  Right?

  She shouldn’t speak about Ben with Ava. Ava filled her head with impossible thoughts, making her question the way she felt.

  Okay, so maybe she had a crush on the guy. And maybe he had treated her better than anyone ever had in her entire life. And maybe the idea of waking up to him every day intrigued her in a way that surprised her. And maybe she respected his work ethic, the fact that he took care of his mother even though she had abandoned him to a crappy life, and his loyalty to his friends.

  That didn’t mean she loved him.

  She craved him. She desired him.

  He would never love her.

  He had never formed the kind of bonds growing up that would enable him to love another the way she would want to be loved.

  The way she never realized she needed to be loved.